2 am

my apologies for the MAJOR lack in updating.

I've dissapointed myself. I'm really into reinventing myself right now.

For the past two hours i imed, messaged, called, texted anyone who i've had beef with or issues in that past few years. Not to better myself so i can sleep at night, but because I really sat here for a few hours thinking, why waste the energy on 'hating' or 'disliking' someone. they're only human, they make mistakes, as do i.

i've really come to terms with myself lately. i worry too much about what others think of me. i try to act like i have the hardest outer shell, when in reality you could tear me in pieces if you really wanted to.

i've had my arguments in the past, to the point where i couldn't scream anymore. i've given a few people some black eyes and busted lips (sorry about that) to the point where i have no more energy left. i really waste my time. i know now how to keep my distance from those who might be a negative impact in my life.

but what really has been getting to me lately, are those few out there that put these words in my mouth. i really want to be everyones best friend, i really want to laugh with everyone. however, there are a few out there who for some reason love putting me in the position of everyone thinking im one thing, when im another.

am i rambling? im rambling. get on with it.

i'm going to pull the typical teenager apathetic card and say how misunderstood i am. there was one person who told me, if im so misunderstood, change it and if not than fuck it. simple advice, but good advice.

ive come to the realization that there are some people whos opinions i can not change. but some are at least worth a shot.

to the boy that once broke my heart:
i hope you realize that what you're becoming is so much lower than what you should be. i hope someday you realize that before its too late.

to the boy whos heart i broke:
i cant begin to tell you how sorry i am. in reality, you're a great person. but my heart wasn't that patched up yet and i was selfish with you. someday you'll understand why.

to those whom i've created amazing friendships with:
you were my rocks this whole school year! i met some of the best people and you all opened me up to new worlds. I could never repay you all!

to those whom ive grown apart from/ended friendships with:
we're too young to keep these pesty fueds full of drama and nonsense going on, lets move on!

to that girl i beat up:
sorry about that.

to that one girl who got a lot of shit this year:
youre the one person i don't feel sorry for.

to whom it may concern:

im not perfect. i don't think highly of myself. i make mistakes. i open my mouth when i shouldn't sometimes. but so do you. i repeat things i shouldnt. but so do you.

i sort of lost myself a little this year, did things i said i never would do. Im regaining myself back, turning over the freshest leaf.

im all that i can be.