Oh pretty, pretty, I'm aflame

Can't stop listening to Dear You at the moment. Sort of a fitting time considering someone just gave me a little dent not too long ago. Life is way stressful lately, but my holiday was alright. It is crazy how the older you get the less exciting Christmas is. To me, it is another excuse for the family to get together and for fights to break out. (Can you tell I grew up with divorced parents?)

Tomorrow is New Year's, to be honest I planned on partying with my friends until i don't remember most of 2009. But then I figured I knew that wouldn't help anything. Probably gonna end up crashing at home before the ball even drops.

I can't wait for school to start so that I have something to keep me occupied and keep my mind off of everything around me.

I forgot I even had this thing...

It's Christmas eve. Holler to presents and $ tonight from relatives I see only once a year. (That day would be today) Its almost the end of 2009, and what a year it has been. Am I the only one to think that this year flew by so incredibly fast? I can hardly remember this time last year, probably had some stupid crush on some stupid boy and attended some parties with my best friend kasey. I can't remember the kind of person I was though, I know I've changed a lot. Music was pretty sick this year. Lady Gaga made the best pop record of 09' hands down. And Paramore brought their shit too. Man Overboard's new stuff was really refreshing. Set Your Goals never fails me. I'm anxiously awaiting the new I Am The Avalanche in 2010.. oh wait, that is my graduating year..

Am I really a senior? Is this really my last year of high school? I think i've been waiting for this day since the second i boarded the school bus for kindergarten. I got accepted to some cool schools, but I plan on attended the Art Institute of Philadelphia. I start college in July... uhhh.

Well anyway, Merry Chrismahanakwanzica to you all.

Lets become awesome people in 2010.

ugh

hate thunderstorms.


man overboard jamming and a popsicle, yay.

2 am

my apologies for the MAJOR lack in updating.

I've dissapointed myself. I'm really into reinventing myself right now.

For the past two hours i imed, messaged, called, texted anyone who i've had beef with or issues in that past few years. Not to better myself so i can sleep at night, but because I really sat here for a few hours thinking, why waste the energy on 'hating' or 'disliking' someone. they're only human, they make mistakes, as do i.

i've really come to terms with myself lately. i worry too much about what others think of me. i try to act like i have the hardest outer shell, when in reality you could tear me in pieces if you really wanted to.

i've had my arguments in the past, to the point where i couldn't scream anymore. i've given a few people some black eyes and busted lips (sorry about that) to the point where i have no more energy left. i really waste my time. i know now how to keep my distance from those who might be a negative impact in my life.

but what really has been getting to me lately, are those few out there that put these words in my mouth. i really want to be everyones best friend, i really want to laugh with everyone. however, there are a few out there who for some reason love putting me in the position of everyone thinking im one thing, when im another.

am i rambling? im rambling. get on with it.

i'm going to pull the typical teenager apathetic card and say how misunderstood i am. there was one person who told me, if im so misunderstood, change it and if not than fuck it. simple advice, but good advice.

ive come to the realization that there are some people whos opinions i can not change. but some are at least worth a shot.

to the boy that once broke my heart:
i hope you realize that what you're becoming is so much lower than what you should be. i hope someday you realize that before its too late.

to the boy whos heart i broke:
i cant begin to tell you how sorry i am. in reality, you're a great person. but my heart wasn't that patched up yet and i was selfish with you. someday you'll understand why.

to those whom i've created amazing friendships with:
you were my rocks this whole school year! i met some of the best people and you all opened me up to new worlds. I could never repay you all!

to those whom ive grown apart from/ended friendships with:
we're too young to keep these pesty fueds full of drama and nonsense going on, lets move on!

to that girl i beat up:
sorry about that.

to that one girl who got a lot of shit this year:
youre the one person i don't feel sorry for.

to whom it may concern:

im not perfect. i don't think highly of myself. i make mistakes. i open my mouth when i shouldn't sometimes. but so do you. i repeat things i shouldnt. but so do you.

i sort of lost myself a little this year, did things i said i never would do. Im regaining myself back, turning over the freshest leaf.

im all that i can be.

hmm

Nothing is really that new these days. My Birthday is coming up, thats about it.


Party, only not really.
Birthdays do indeed suck & im going to a show.

gnight.

<3

i cant wait for you to come over & watch good burger with me <3

good morning

Im currently laying down at Kyla's house, listening to the movielife . I haven't updated this, im sure the MILLLLIONS of people who read this are sooo disapointed. Joking, obviously. Spring term started, and its not that bad. I just have a lot of work. There are like, 9? weeks of school left! I'm excited but its going to be sad to see some people go. Anywaaay not much else is going on, so this is basically pointless .

back to the beginning

Spring Term of school starts in about an hour and 15 mintues and i absolutely hate it. Im running on a whole two hours of sleep, not even joking .

Last night was the hometown Title Fight Show, with Tigers Jaw, Balance & Composure and Man overboard. The show was a lot of fun . But im so god damn tired , so god damn tired . I cant wait to come home and take a nap .

FML . ( haha )

lurking

There is a certain someone (cough emilygotback cough) who lurks this blog.

listen : keep the fuck out of my life
and stop being concerned with it.

the afternoon is now morning .

I for sure need to start getting my sleep schedule in order, school is creeping up on me and i absolutely hate it. Last night was pretty fun, i went to a show in doylestown with kyla. The line up was Title Fight, The Wonder Years, A Loss For Words, Fireworks and one more that i ended up missing. I was bummed Man Overboard had to drop, i really dig them. It was nice to see some people, because i haven't seen them since they left for tour. And im pretty sure Kyla was pretty happy too. (haha ;] ) Winky faces are so awkward, but it was completely necessary. The show was pretty good, and afterward everyone made their way to WaWa where it was a rampage, i cant go into detail. But Jamie got me an apple, and thats all i wanted. Then we headed home. Uriah Drove half of the way, then i took over. WE GOT HOME SAFELY, THANKS. hahaha Anyway, we got home and i fell right asleep. Other than that, yesterday was a good day.

also, if anyone is in wilkes-barre or anywhere near sunday come to metro:
Title Fight
Tigers Jaw
Man Overboard
Balance & Composure

its going to be awesome.

started sucky ended awesome.

Today was out of control .

World War Three made its way to my house, as both sets of parents (mine are divorced) actually had to communicate with each other. Oh, let me tell you that was oh so interesting to listen to. The only advantages of having divorced parents are :

1. double the christmas & birthday presents .
2. double the great food during holidays.
3. child support (if you arent stuck with a dead beat)
4. getting away with where you 'really are'
   ex: Im staying at dads house ... you know they arent going to actually call each other to find out where you really are.
5. if mom says no ... dad says yes BECAUSE mom said no.

Sounds pretty fancy, but its not all great.

anyway, i watched some SCARY SHIT with kyla tonight. I'm pretty sure we won't be sleeping tonight, we're pulling an all nighter, what whattt holler! Right now, we're watching wedding crashers so that we get into a better mood. word up .

right from the start

Right from the start, you were a challenge to me.


this sucks, today sucks, everything pretty much sucks .
awesome .

would that get your attention sweetie?

damn, i think it is impossible for i am the avalanche to suck. tonights show was damn damn good, and they played a lifetime cover, which was awesome. I still felt like shit through out the entire show though . ehh, whatever.

on a side note, i doubt ill get any sleep tonight. word.

now I know whats more important to you
sometimes we learn the hard way.
& I've learned a lot from you,
to be careful with who I trust
& take advice when it's given to me .

i cant believe i slept until 230 pm today. it makes me so mad when i sleep my whole day away . All i did today was drive around with kyla, tyler, and elko . And we hit some wvw freshies with ice cream ... that wasn't very nice. Tomorrow is the I Am The Avalanche show at metro, you should definitely go. I'm pretty sure as we speak my eardrum is rupturing. I have the same symptoms as last time, high fever, pain in my ear, and dizziness. NICE, this night is going to be awesome.

the shawshank redemption

the shawshank redemption is such an awesome movie. I highly suggest watching it if you haven't. I had a girly day and did some shopping at the mall. My mom went all out, it was pretty awesome.

i had a cool friend over for some dinner also, lasagna is never bad. yum. as for now, im going to continue to find something to keep myself busy with since Kyla/my other half (haha) is in New Hampshire visiting a school.

I swear i have something to do tomorrow, but i cant remember what it is. whoopsies.

i cant stop listening

I'm a suspect, I'm a traitor,
I'm only here in body visiting.
Yellow faces in the distance screams,
"The beauty is in what isn't said,"
I'm rising to my feet,

Because tonight, the world turned in me.
Because right now, I don't dare to breathe.
Oh, babe, I know, it's alive and somewhere for us to find,
Tonight, oh chase this light with me.

to that song .


pointless.